By Jeff Yalden

One of the biggest things I see teens worrying about is being accepted and liked by their peers.

You hear so much from teachers and parents about not getting into risky behaviors like drug and alcohol use, sexual promiscuity and violence. But this often misses the point.

Because the thing that gets kids in trouble more than anything is being totally focused on what other people are thinking, saying and feeling about them.

Maybe you’re thinking: what’s wrong with that? Doesn’t everybody want to be liked? Doesn’t everybody worry what other people think of them?

The problem is this: You can get so caught up in wanting to be liked, wanting to be accepted, to have a cool reputation, whatever, that you start trying to shape yourself so you’ll measure up in other people’s eyes.

And when you do that, you lose yourself. You lose sight of your character. You forget who you really are.

Here’s what I want you to remember. You don’t discover who you are by trying to see yourself through the eyes of others.

In fact, you don’t discover yourself at all. You create your life. You create the person you want to be.

What I’m talking about here is character. Character is the basis for self-respect, and it’s only when you respect yourself that you’ll earn the respect of others.

Here’s something else important to remember: No person, place or thing can give you what you need to give yourself – respect. If you want to be respected, start by respecting yourself.

Now the next thing I’m about to say may sound like a contradiction. It’s not, so hear me out.

The way to create the person you want to be – the way to become a person you respect – is to surround yourself with people who will have a positive influence on you.

Now maybe you don’t have a clue what kind of person you want to be or what kind of life you want for yourself. This is not a problem. Keep an eye out for people who are upbeat and positive, people who seem to know where they’re headed and who have goals for themselves. Start hanging out with them.

Pay close attention to how they lead their lives. Ask them what they think is important in life. Talk to them about relationships and character. I guarantee you, you’ll learn a lot!

I’m going to give you a three-step guide that will help you create a life you can feel proud of.

1. Accept yourself. Acceptance is about living your own life and letting other people live theirs. Everyone is different. Accept yourself for who you are.
2. Surround yourself with people whom you admire, whose opinions you respect, and who seem excited about life.
3. Listen and learn. Then begin to live with the attitude and goals that will make you feel respect for yourself.

What we’re really talking about here is creating your identity. It’s about who you are now, and who you’re going to become in life.

This goes straight back to your character. And the only way you can be a person of character is to be true to who you are.

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Copyright 2009 © Jeff Yalden International. All rights reserved.

When you’re a teenager, changes come at you constantly.

Physical, social and emotional changes are just part of being a teenager. Learning to deal with them is part of growing up.

Maybe this is your first year in high school, and suddenly you’ve got tons of homework – plus a demanding new coach and your first after-school job.

Everyone expects so much more of you. And if you mess up, there are serious consequences.

Or maybe your closest friends have started acting weird. They’re getting into stupid stuff and pressuring you to go along.

Things at home might be different. Your parents may be fighting a lot or getting divorced.

It could be that for the first time in your life you’ve got body odor, and it’s freaking you out. That’s a change. How are you going to deal with it?

Changes can be positive too.

Say you went out for your favorite sport and you made the team. Or you got the job you applied for or a lead role in the school play.

That’s great, right?!

Sure, but your success comes with new demands. The coach (or your boss, or the drama teacher) expects you at practice every day – on time and ready to go. She won’t hear excuses or cut you any slack.

My point is that both positive and negative changes can stress you out. Change can make you feel anxious, confused, angry and overwhelmed.

Change also can make you feel out of control or powerless.

To help you cope, here are Jeff Yalden’s 4 rules about change.

Rule #1. How you react is up to you.

Most people fight change. We piss and moan. We blame other people. Or we get down on ourselves.

Sometimes we ignore the changes, hoping they’ll go away.

It’s all useless, my friends. You can’t control change.

Here’s the one thing you can control – how you respond. Instead of acting out, choose to respond positively.

You can choose to accept the changes coming your way.

You can also choose to wear deodorant!

Rule #2. Dealing well with change creates happiness.

The ability to deal well with change is what separates people who are successful from those who aren’t.

So instead of getting mad or resisting change, try working with it. Choose to become better, instead of bitter.

Roll with the situation you’re dealing with, then figure out how to make it work for you.

You’ll find it a lot easier to get along. You’ll feel happier too.

Rule #3. It’s not about you.

Over the next few years, you’re going to face tons of new situations, new people, new rules.

Whatever you do, don’t take any of it personally.

For example, you’ll find that the teachers, coaches and other adults in your life are treat you differently. Some are warm and understanding, others tough and unforgiving.

It’s not that they don’t like you. It’s not about you at all. We teach differently because we have different personalities. It’s as simple as that.

Learn to adapt. You can also try to understand where the authority figure is coming from, then work with that.

Rule # 4. Change is growth.

Without change there is no life. Change is life moving forward.

Every change that comes your way, even the really tough ones, contains an opportunity. You might not see it at first, but every time one door closes, another door opens.

So be positive. Look for the openings in the changes that are coming your way.

And if you’ve got B.O., wear deodorant!

Copyright 2009 © Jeff Yalden International. All rights reserved.

I’m one of the most sought after youth speakers in the world today. And it’s because people like my style and charisma. In this video I answer a question about teens and long distance relationships. I share my thoughts on this relationship and give my advice about what these teens should do. Check it out…

P.S. You can hire the country’s top notch youth motivational speaker to come speak to your kids or your organization. You need to call or email me today. My calendar can fill up pretty fast…

So contact me today and reserve a spot.
Peace out,

Jeff Yalden

P.S. You can hire the country’s top notch youth motivational speaker to come speak to your kids or your organization. You need to call or email me today. The new school year is fast approaching, and I’ll be all over the country. I’m out of town as this is posted as a matter of fact.

So contact me today and reserve a spot.
Peace out,

Jeff Yalden

On a recent motorcycle ride I saw two teens exiting the School bus from summer school. Here’s my no non-sense opinion about that…

P.S. I’m a highly successful and respected teen speaker and life coach. Find out more or how you can hire me to come and motivate your kids at JeffYalden.com

Jeff is a highly successful and respected teen speaker and life coach. Find out more or how you can hire him to come and motivate your kids at JeffYalden.com

Jeff is a highly successful and respected teen speaker and life coach. Find out more or how you can hire him to come and motivate your kids at JeffYalden.com

Jeff is a highly successful and respected teen speaker and life coach. Find out more or how you can hire him to come and motivate your kids at JeffYalden.com

Jeff is a highly successful and respected teen speaker and life coach. Find out more or how you can hire him to come and motivate your kids at JeffYalden.com

P.S. Don’t forget…you can hire me as your results-getting youth motivational speaker. Go to JeffYalden.com to find out much more.