My name is Jeff Yalden. I’m a teen suicide prevention and crisis intervention expert and teen mental health speaker.
If you are in crisis or experiencing an emergency, please call 911 immediately – and always remember that it’s OK to ask for help.
When a teen makes that that “forever decision” to end his or her life, people want to know why. What drives a young person to suicide?
(Online Suicide Prevention Training for Teachers and Staff – Take the Course Now!)
Today, teens experience pain as fast as the flip of a switch – like turning a light bulb – and terrible situations can cause a teen suicide. One of the things that hurts today’s teens is the inability to cope with life’s challenges and problem solving in the obstacles and situations they face. What can be perceived as everyday life situations and challenges to adults can be insurmountable for a teenager today.
We have an epidemic on our hands – and we need to start talking about it. The trend is that in the next decade we will have a 31 percent increase in teen suicides, drug addiction, and alcohol abuse.
These issues factor in to what is quickly becoming the biggest public health crisis of our time.
Here are the top reasons why teens make that forever decision:
MENTAL ILLNESS
While the factors I will be addressing here are all driving contributors to teen suicide, often the underlying issue is one of mental illness.
Most teens who attempt suicide do so because of depression, bipolar disorder or borderline personality disorder. These disorders amplify the pain a teen may feel. It is because of this that every suicidal teen should be treated by a medical professional.
Remember this: Teens attempt or succeed in suicide not because of a desire to die, but, rather, in an attempt to escape a bad situation and/or painful feelings. It is rare that only a single event leads to suicide. A single event can be the straw that breaks the camel’s back, but it is quite rare a single event prompts a suicide attempt.
By helping a teen turn around a bad situation or by teaching her or him how better to deal with painful feelings, we can defeat the causes of teen suicide. Most times, this requires professional help by a doctor or a psychotherapist and may also involve the teen’s school, such as in cases of teen bullying.
LONELINESS
Being a teenager is one of the most difficult phases of life. Many teenagers feel alone, isolated or somehow set apart – but they refuse to admit that they need help.
They need help. They really do. Everybody needs help at times – whether it’s obvious or not, and whether we want it or not. Most of the time, we have convinced ourselves that we can manage everything on our own, but in reality, we can’t.
When they feel alone, what do teenagers do? They open up their phones, computers, tablets – fire up the Internet and social media platforms or text a friend, hoping that someone does care about them – and the desire is strong that others will appreciate them for who they are.
The reality is that some people appreciate you for who you are, but others simply fake it. How can you know the difference?
Parents don’t understand teen problems even if they say they do. The Internet, social media, texting and YouTube is where they go to find something – the passion that they lost or the happiness that they need.
It’s not that our teens think happiness is available on the Internet, but it’s a distraction from what they’re feeling. This distraction is very useful when they are feeling lonely.
Imagine that they go on the web and find someone their same age, dealing with the same issues that they are. It’s comforting for them to know that they are not the only one having that particular problem. You can see their point of view.
Now they’ve made friends – virtual friends that they wish were real and were right beside them. But they aren’t. Why is this?
Teens say, “Why can’t we have long term and lasting friends? People talk behind our backs, especially the ones we thought were our friends.”
It’s a sad world that teens say they’re living in.
Adolescence is always an unsettling time, with many physical, emotional, psychological and social changes that accompany this stage of life.
SCREEN TIME
Research suggests hours upon hours of time in front of phones, on computer screens and tablets might worsen depression and increase thoughts of suicide. Here is the deal: Depressive symptoms are more prominent in teens who spend too much time on their devices.
But how much is too much? More than four a day is alarming. Ideally, we’d like to see a maximum of two hours a day of screen time for our teens. That is considered the safe zone.
Nearly half of teens who got five or more hours of screen time each day had experienced thoughts of suicide or prolonged periods of hopelessness or sadness. That’s nearly double that of teens who spent fewer than an hour in front of a screen.
Although we can’t blame smartphones for the increase in mental health issues in teens, I will tell you this: Smartphones and social media are by far the biggest changes in teens’ lives in the last five years. Coincidentally, over the last five years, the number of teen suicides has spiked, and this is staggering.
What is further alarming is that very young children are spending triple the amount of time on phones and tablets than they did even four years ago.
APPEARANCES VERSUS REALITY
Teens don’t let change happen, because when something is different, they want to change it back to normal, but what is normal today?
Young people struggle with having to look good for other people, and when they do it to make a positive change for themselves, they run the risk of being judged or ridiculed. They’re not accepted for who they really are.
Why We Feel Alone:
- Family problems (most of the pain comes from family issues)
- No real friends (just faces that pretend to be)
- No acceptance in society (as a whole or even in smaller groups like schools…)
- Not satisfied with their life
- Nobody understands them
- Not accepted for their choices (music artists/genre, fashion style, personality, sexual orientation, etc.)
- Prejudices (some people find it fun to criticize you)
- Rumors (it’s difficult to stop them)
- Being afraid to speak up (sharing of opinions becomes difficult, and you get trapped by your own self)
There are so many more reasons… the list is just too long …
HOPELESS & HELPLESS
Most teens interviewed after a suicide attempt say that feelings of hopelessness and helplessness prompted them to try to take their lives.
Suicidal teens often feel like they are in situations that have no solutions. They see no way out but death. Teens often feel they lack the power and control to change their situations.
Other emotional causes come from trying to escape feelings of pain, rejection, hurt, being unloved, victimization or loss – that their feelings are unbearable and will never end. They think the only way of escape is suicide.
BEING A BURDEN & FAILED EXPECTATIONS
Unrealistic academic, social, or family expectations can create a strong sense of rejection and can lead to deep disappointment. When things go wrong at school or at home, teens often overreact. Many young people feel that life is not fair or that things “never go their way.” They feel stressed out and confused.
To make matters worse, teens are bombarded by conflicting messages from parents, friends and society at large. Today’s teens see more of what life has to offer — both good and bad — on television, at school, in magazines and on the Internet.
Dealing with Adolescent Pressures
When teens feel down, there are ways they can cope with these feelings to avoid serious depression. All of these suggestions help develop a sense of acceptance and belonging that is so important to adolescents.
- Try to make new friends.Healthy relationships with peers are central to a teen’s self-esteem and provide an important social outlet.
- Participate in sports, job, school activities or hobbies.Staying busy helps teens focus on positive activities rather than negative feelings, behaviors or peer pressure.
- Join organizations that offer programs for young people.There are myriad social programs geared to the needs of teens to help develop additional interests.
- Ask a trusted adult for help.When problems are too much to handle alone, teens should not be afraid to ask for help, but adults need to be present for teens without lecturing or making them feel that their feelings aren’t valued.
But sometimes, despite everyone’s best efforts, teens become depressed.
Many factors can contribute to depression.
Studies show that some depressed people have too much or too little of certain brain chemicals.
Also, a family history of depression may increase the risk for developing depression. Other factors that can contribute to depression are difficult life events (such as death or divorce), side-effects from some medications and negative thought patterns.
SITUATIONS
Situations often drive the emotional causes of suicide. Bullying, cyber bullying, abuse, a detrimental home life, loss of a loved one or even a severe breakup can be contributing causes of teen suicide.
Often, many of these situations occur together to cause suicidal feelings and behaviors.
Suicide is rarely the result of one factor.
GRAPHIC MEDIA
It’s amazing how much information our teens have access to on the Internet – some of which can be traumatizing. In addition to cyber bullying which is a major problem today, kids can now easily access information about how to hurt themselves or how to harm others.
Today’s media continues to become more sophisticated and graphic, exposing our teens to many potentially negative and dangerous influences than their parents could ever have encountered a generation ago.
BULLYING AND CYBER-BULLYING
Any form of bullying, whether face to face or online is known to be connected to depression and suicidal behaviors in our teens.
THE DESIRE TO DIE
While I don’t think teens want to die, I think they don’t know how to ask for help, which could lead them to the only other option they believe is available to them – Death by suicide!
This saddens me the most because I think asking for help should be as easy as asking any other question.
Also, I receive quite a few messages saying, “Jeff, I’m not afraid to die, but give me a reason to live that is greater than my desire to not want to live.”
WOW! Today’s young people think deep.
Let me leave you with this:
Many parents don’t acknowledge that their child is struggling. Mental Health isn’t an option for many families, and this makes it harder for our schools to help. Many school counselors then don’t have those teens on their radar, because they don’t know what they are going through.
How do you expect our schools to help when they’re not aware, and we’re dealing with parents who say they will take care of their problem at home?
THE STIGMA
A large part of the work we are all responsible for is challenging the stigma that surrounds teen mental health – AND ELIMINATING IT ONCE AND FOR ALL.
THE BOTTOM LINE
Teens need adult guidance more than ever to understand all the emotional and physical changes they are experiencing. When teens’ moods disrupt their ability to function on a day-to-day basis, it may indicate a serious emotional or mental disorder that needs attention — adolescent depression.
Take action immediately. Do something. Getting help is OK!
Mental illness is an economic issue that is quickly becoming the greatest public health crisis of our time. We must take responsibility, and a large part of that responsibility lies in getting comfortable with being uncomfortable and talking about teen suicide.
This is an epidemic that is alarming and getting worse.
Thank you for watching this video!
If you are interested in me visiting your school community, please visit www.JeffYalden.com or my non-profit foundation www.JeffYaldenFoundation.com.