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JEFF YALDEN RETURNS TO ATCHISON, KANSAS

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EDITOR’S NOTE: Jeff will be on hand all day tomorrow, April 3, for students, parents, community members, and recent graduates. For details, contact Atchison High School at (913) 367-4162.

Atchison, KS – Latest suicide. I’m sorry. I’m here for you…. just a couple of thoughts from my heart to yours during this very difficult time. #Atchison #Kansas #Suicide #ForeverDecision #ItsOKtoaskforHelp #TeenSuicide #JeffYalden #MentalHealth

Posted by Jeff Yalden on Wednesday, March 28, 2018

Hey Atchison Community –

A lot of people in the community and parents have reached out to me and shared with me the latest loss.

First and foremost, I want to share my thoughts and prayers to the young man’s family, friends and the people that know the young man and the family. I am sorry.

I was just in your community. I love your community.

I wanted to come by and offer you a couple of thoughts.

My friends, I don’t think suicide is ever the right decision. I think suicide is a permanent action to a temporary problem – but I get it. I understand where young people are.

I want to share with you again two reasons why young people end up with the thought for the desire for suicide:

1) Young people feel alone – basically it feels like you don’t have meaningful relationships.

I get it.

We live in a world today where we spend so much time on smartphones and social media, and it’s about balance and boundaries. I don’t really want to go there, but if you spend more than four or five hours a day on screen time, you are 70 percent more likely to have depression in your life. So – I want to encourage you – less screen time and more social engagement.

And when you have social engagement – whether it’s a trusted adult, whether it is your friends – where you are problem solving, communicating and you are together – listen, that takes care of the “I am alone.” That makes sense, right?

2) The other reason is that you feel like you are a burden.

This basically means that you feel that you don’t make any notable contributions to the world and that you serve as a liability – and that you are disappointing your parents, teachers or coaches because maybe their expectations are so high – and you are spending so much time on your smartphones that you are not focusing on things that are really important: Your motivation. Your school, your future – your direction.

Here’s what happens: When emotionally you feel like you are alone and that you are a burden – and it lasts so long – suddenly you end up with that desire.

I don’t think young people want to die. I think one of the problems is that young people live in the here and the now.

Young people – you don’t know what you don’t know. Like, you don’t know what it was like at one time to not have smartphones, Internet, social media or YouTube – so you are the first generation growing up with this.

I think we have done a disservice to our young people as a society.

We have given young people these rights and these privileges where this frontal lobe, or frontal development has not matured and come into focus – so the emotions that come with smartphones, the Internet and social media – we’re not mature enough to emotionally handle the result of this.

If your parents aren’t going to say no and teach you balance and boundaries – it’s hard for you to put that balance and those boundaries in your life – but that’s something that you have to start working on.

Social and emotional learning does not come as a result of being on the screen all of the time. Online time can affect mental health in a negative way. Social engagement social interaction can help your mental health.

Think about it.

Two of the biggest things that we are concerned about with teenagers today are coping skills and problem-solving skills. We live in the here and the now. We think that we go to the bank and an ATM spits out cash. We send a text and get an immediate reply…

Again – Atchison, Kansas – I don’t know the details on this young man. But I will tell you this: It’s going to be OK.

My friends, it’s OK to ask for help. It’s OK to want to talk to somebody. I meet young people all the time and they say, “Yo – I don’t want to talk to anybody because every time I talk to someone, it’s like they are telling me my emotions don’t matter. I shouldn’t feel like this, and it’s like they aren’t validating how I feel.”

Part of being young is about having crazy emotions and feelings – and not understanding them.

And it’s OK to have that trusted adult to go talk to.

I spoke at a school in Indiana today, and a girl wanted to talk afterwards. The girl has been in counseling for two years. Do you know that today she told me more than her two counselors knew about her? I asked her why she felt comfortable telling me what she did.

“I don’t know,” she said. “You seem like you get it.”

Don’t you think you have trusted adults in your life that – if you gave them the chance – they would get it too?

Folks – we can’t help you if we don’t know.

“Well Jeff – I don’t know how to talk to someone…”

When you didn’t know how to ride a bike, that didn’t stop you, did it?

When you didn’t know how to ask a girl out – you still found a way, right?

When trusted adults in your life sit down with you and something is wrong, they know what to say. You just have to be willing to just go up to them and say, “I don’t know what to say but I am kind of really struggling.”

When I spoke to that child today, I can’t tell you how many times she said, “I don’t know” in tears – and you know what I did? I just kept asking her if she felt safe and if she knew she wasn’t in trouble.

As long as she knew those two things – little by little, she opened up. It was a beautiful day.

My point is simply this: Suicide is a permanent action to a temporary problem.

If you are afraid to talk to a trusted adult and you don’t open up to anybody – and living in the here and the now – all of this pressure is so much that you start to think that the desire is there – but it doesn’t ever need to get to the point where you have that desire.

But you have to have the courage to realize that it’s OK to go talk to somebody.

I am praying for you. I’m sorry, and I love you guys.

Don’t be afraid to open your heart and find a trusted adult. And they are going to support you and encourage you – but you have to open up.

For more information, visit www.jeffyalden.com

To book Jeff now, call (800)948-9289

Check out Jeff’s new nonprofit: www.jeffyaldenfoundation.com

Jeff Yalden Inspires at Florida NAMI Event

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On Thursday, October 5, mental health speaker and Amazon bestselling author Jeff Yalden spoke at the Pasco County, Florida chapter of NAMI – the National Alliance on Mental Illness.

Yalden said NAMI is a nonprofit that helps millions of Americans who live with mental illness every single day

According to its website, there are nearly 1,000 NAMI state organizations and NAMI affiliates across the country and NAMI is “nation’s largest grassroots mental health organization dedicated to building better lives for the millions of Americans affected by mental illness. What started as a small group of families gathered around a kitchen table in 1979 has blossomed into the nation’s leading voice on mental health.”

NAMI is likely active in your community – raising awareness about mental illness while “providing support and education that was not previously available to those in need.”

Yalden believes that mental illness is quickly becoming the greatest public health crisis of our time.

“What was really great is that this was the first time that I got to speak to a NAMI organization,” he said. “I have a reputation of being a teen/youth mental health speaker. I am trying to get more into the adults as well, because if adults don’t start accepting mental illness as an illness, it’s going to be a lot harder to do our work with the youth and beyond. We need to attack this today, to make tomorrow better – to make mental illness less stigmatized in society.”

He said the bottom line is that mental health isn’t necessarily just a family issue anymore. It is an economic issue and we are all responsible.

“It’s really up to all of us to start getting comfortable being uncomfortable talking about mental health,” he said.

Yalden said he had an awesome time, and that he was honored to have had the opportunity to share his heart with them. He spoke to people that, like him, are living with mental illness. He also spoke to community influencers, police officers, hospital workers and folks who work in the mental health field – validating the importance of what they do every day.

Before every speaking event, Yalden makes it a point to gather his thoughts, to pray and to center himself so that he can be present and with his audience.

Earlier, he contemplated running out and buying some nice clothes for the event, but if he did, he thought that would change who he is. Yalden speaks in casual clothing. That’s who he is.

“Sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves to be who other people want us to be, and when you try too hard to do that, you end up hurting yourself. As a result, I would probably do my audience wrong. The last thing I want to do is to do my audience wrong.”

In his presentation, Yalden laid it all out – including the time when his marriage of 17 years ended in divorce and he found himself in front of the mirror. Then and there, he asked himself what he had to do with the split.

That question in that moment made a profound impact on him.

“That was the most powerful place I think I have ever been in my life. I realized at that moment when I looked in the mirror that my mental illness was greater than I ever expected it to be,” he said.

Yalden is diagnosed with major depression, bipolar II disorder and PTSD. His goal in living with mental illness is to be transparent and to live with authenticity and to work on himself every day and live in a way that shows mental illness, when treated – like chemotherapy for cancer – can result in a healthy life.

“Folks, as I travel all over the world – 200 days a year – I still see my therapist twice a month. I take my medication. I have come to learn that self-care is not selfish. It’s very important.”

Life happens for us – not to us.

Yalden laid out three important points for daily living:

  • Self-Value
  • Attitude
  • Choices

“You have to be your own best advocate,” he said. “You have to fight for the services you need. It’s time to be serious.”

He went on to talk about anger – and the cognitive distortions associated with it.

In an article about anger, The American Psychological Association cited an example of these cognitive distortions as “misappraisals about the importance of the event or about the capacity to cope.”

“I think everybody in this room has somewhat of a problem with anger,” he said.

When trying to understand where someone else is coming from. Yalden said that he has come to learn that the more you are willing to just be present and listen, the more the other person is willing to share.

Jeff asked the audience to ask themselves these three questions:

  • Is my life meaningful?
  • Is my life fulfilling?
  • Is my life rewarding?

He talked about God and mental health – by all accounts a tough subject to tackle.

“Let me be careful how I say this. I am a man of God, but when a child or an adult is dealing with mental illness, I don’t think God is the answer – yet.”

Yalden always wants to make sure that his audiences receive the full intent of the messages he wishes to convey, and that he is putting it out there as clearly as possible.

“Please hear me.  If you have cancer, God can be in your life – but you are also probably going to get chemo, right? If you have mental illness, you need a mental health professional first – and then God can be a part of that too. Did I make sense?”

Yalden closed with four simple letters: T-I-M-E.

“Let’s continue to do our job every day,” he said.

NAMI member Richard Michaels said that Yalden’s talk was very informative.

“He really has an interesting life story, and you will really learn a lot from him when you listen to him. And listen to the little things that he talks about – the little things that we take for granted, but mean so much in our lives,” he said.

Yalden couldn’t be happier about the event, which was well-attended.

“Down here in Florida, we are talking mental health and making great strides. Thank you NAMI Pasco County.”

For more information about Jeff, click HERE.

Jeff’s speaking calendar fills up fast. To book him now for your event, organization or school, call 800-948-9289.

Mental Health – Full Transparency

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EDITOR’S NOTE:  Mental health speaker Jeff Yalden took himself to the emergency room at a local hospital near his home in the Myrtle Beach area on October 8, after experiencing a bout with anxiety and anger over the weekend.

Yalden lives with mental illness, and is a staunch advocate for full disclosure.

“I think if you are really going to make a difference in this field, you have to be someone that deals with what you are talking about in order to make sense to the people living it with themselves, and that you understand what they are going through,” he said.

The following was recorded Monday, October 9.

I want to be completely transparent with you about what happened last night.

I know there are a lot of people that don’t think that I should put this out there, but in my opinion, mental illness is rapidly becoming one of the greatest healthcare crises of our time. If we are unwilling to talk about it – if we are not willing to get comfortable being uncomfortable talking about mental health and mental illness – I think we are going to be doing a lot of people wrong – including ourselves, our loved ones and society.

For those that don’t really understand why I do it:  I am very passionate about mental health – very passionate about mental illness. Number one, it’s my greatest challenge in my journey of life. Number two, it’s my work. I am very passionate about my work.

I got home Friday, and I realized that I just didn’t feel happy. I felt edgy, and I knew that I wanted to relax on Saturday and Sunday. My schedule is very intense. I am doing a lot of work with teen suicide, suicide prevention and mental health in schools. I know some of you understand my work, but it’s hard to understand the depths of my work.

There are times when I am in homes until the wee hours of the morning, talking to families. Sometimes I am just being supportive, giving hugs and saying it’s going to be OK – teaching the grieving process and talking about the grieving process – and understanding that, here’s a family or here are friends that lost a significant other or a child.

I love what I do. I am not making any excuses. I’m passionate. It’s so deep in my heart.

But I just wasn’t feeling good. Saturday, I just wanted to watch football and take it easy. I didn’t want to be around people. And Sunday, same thing, but a couple of triggers kind of set me off, but I was doing good emotionally.  I was just taking it all in. I was dealing with it. I was breathing. I was like, “OK – responsibilities – this is going to be OK.”

Finally last night, something happened, and I’ll tell you – there are two things you can’t take back. You can’t take back time, and you can’t take back words.

For somebody with bipolar or somebody that’s on the edge with major depression, words can trigger an emotion – and then as much as you try and calm down and relax, like, “it’s going to be OK,” I just flipped. And I tried really hard to keep it inside and to calm down.

I took my Yeti and threw it at the wall.

Folks, I’m not proud to tell you this.

I would never hit [fiancee] Janet. I would never hit anybody. But then I just had some real choice words. Again, you can’t take back words, so I get it. I know Janet is really, really hurt. I am really, really hurt.

I don’t really know what all this means tomorrow, going forward.

I have to sort some feelings out. I know I need to make some changes. I have to catch a flight today. I want to take my meds and make sure they are all good, and do a lot of self-care – fix myself – because the most important thing right now is that I am healthy for my client.

There’s nothing more important than that, because they put the trust in me professionally, and I put trust in me for my responsibility – being with young people – but the bottom line is simply this:  I threw something last night. I had some very choice, angry words. I didn’t throw anything at Janet. I just threw it right at the wall.

You know, something about mental illness too is that you can say you are the adult, that you are responsible – that you have to control your anger. And I agree 100 percent. But sometimes you get in this fit of rage. Folks, I haven’t had this fit of rage in nearly 20 years.

Jeff at a recent event for NAMI – The National Alliance on Mental Illness

I just ran into my room, jumped in bed and tried to get comfortable and breathe it out – and I just couldn’t.

Janet ended up leaving and going to her family, and that’s one of the things that was the trigger. It was Sunday night. I’m home. I have to leave on Monday. I didn’t want to go out at eight o’clock at night to go eat dinner. This has nothing to do with my love for the family. I just wanted time out for me – in my house, in my four walls. And Janet didn’t really understand that, so she ended up going. I didn’t mind her going. I just didn’t want to go.

So, I was in bed last night and was having trouble calming myself down. It’s just really hard.

I went to the ER, and I knew what was going to happen there. My doctor says, “Jeff, you know more about mental health that probably I do.” I study mental health. I live with mental health. I teach mental health. I get it.

I think I was just going because I wanted to know in my heart that I was asking for help and doing the right thing.

At that time, I did not know that I wasn’t taking my Lexapro [depression/anxiety medication].

I had a good talk with the doctor. No, I am not thinking of harming myself or harming other people. I get it. They have to ask those questions. But I needed to calm down.

I am not one to take medications if I don’t need to take medications, but I knew that there was something else going on, and I told the doctor that I just need to bring [my] heart rate down. I need to just be able to go to sleep.

The doctor gave me Klonopin [a sedative], and I researched it on Google. I took Klonopin when I got home. I didn’t take it before I was driving home. I let the dogs out and went to bed.

I woke up this morning, just feeling  that my heart is really hurt.

I’m calling the doctor first thing this morning – and my therapist – and just going to try to work on some self-care. I have got to hit the road, and I am on the road for quite a bit. But I think making sure that I am taking my Lexapro is going to make me feel a lot better.

Part of the reason why I am sharing this and being so transparent is that this isn’t just about me. I know that I have a large following of people that value my opinion, my advice, and respect me as a person.

I work in mental health, and part of me talking about it and part of me in the work that I do every single day – is really telling people that when you are struggling, it’s OK to ask for help. Folks, that’s exactly what happened last night.

I know I hurt Janet, and I am sorry.

She ended up leaving and going to be with her family and have fun – just leaving me alone. I get it. I can’t expect her to sit with me when I am in this anger and hate. I didn’t want to be alone, so I went to the ER. I just needed to calm down.

Here’s the thing: When you are dealing with a family member or a friend that is suffering or living with mental illness and having an episode, first and foremost – do not ever let that person stay alone, because it is at those moments – I am speaking professionally right now, not speaking personally – it’s at those moments when someone is alone that they are not in their right frame of mind that they are more willing to do something that could be deadly.

Let me recap: I was not there in that position last night. I know that I am not suicidal. I know that I would not take a gun. I know that I would not take a knife. I know that I would not hang myself. I know enough to just figure out how to take a timeout –to  go get help – go for a walk – go to the hospital. I know all that.

But on the personal side – you, my friends – do not ever leave someone alone, even if you are not talking to that person. You’ve got to be patient if you are choosing to live with this person. If it’s too much for you, get out of the relationship, because it’s a lot – and in some regards, it’s not fair. I understand. But the worst thing you can do is ever leave that person alone.

If you know someone who is not in their right frame of mind, and they are not able to make healthy decisions, doesn’t it make sense that you need to be there to make the healthy and the right decisions for your loved one? That’s one thing a lot of people don’t understand – ‘Jeff, how do I help?’ – You are not going against the person. You are just thinking more clearly for the person that can’t think for themselves.

Some triggers can prompt a response. And when you are dealing with mental illness – depression, bipolar, PTSD – it gets in front of you. In that moment, you might want to react.

I don’t think people want to take their life. I think there are a lot of people that just don’t know how to ask for help.

I know there will be people that are going to message me after saying this – “you know, Jeff – you give too much information.” I know. But I also feel like,  with the work that I do – if I am not transparent, I am not as effective as I should be.

I woke up this morning and I am asking “why”– why am I going through this and what’s going on. I haven’t felt like this for a long time.

I took out all my meds  – how I have them packed for my trips, and I wanted to go through them. I go right to my Lexapro. That’s my depression and anti-anxiety [medication], and it works so good for me – and I realize that I haven’t been taking my Lexapro. When I put all of my pills out, how did I miss not putting my Lexapro in there?

And I knew something wasn’t right, because when I was putting my pills together, it went so much faster than it usually does. But for seven to ten days, I hadn’t been taking my Lexapro. When I noticed that, you’re damn right I took one right away.

I in my transparency to you, I want to just leave you with with this:

  1. Living with mental illness does not necessarily mean that your life is forever change, and you can’t live a healthy life. No. Not at all.
  2. You have to be aware and you have to be willing to ask for help – and I am good at that.
  3. Talking about it. I think we have a responsibility to talk about it – to help give other people awareness that mental illness is real.
  4.  I want to be an inspiration to those that are dealing with mental illness themselves – to say it’s going to be OK. It’s OK to ask for help. It’s really important that you practice self-care.I think it’s really important that you manage your eating and your exercise. That’s self-care too.
  5. Surround yourself with people that are understanding, compassionate and empathetic. If that’s not the case, then those are people that you probably need to put back into your acquaintances category of relationships.

I hope I made sense.

To find out more about Jeff’s speaking programs, including suicide prevention, mental health, teen coaching and more, go HERE.

To book Jeff now for your school or event, call 800-948-9289.

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